Faith is an amazing thing. Though, at times it can seem very confusing and even mysterious. When faced with times of great tragedy, people’s faith can change in very drastic ways. It can be strengthened, or it could even be shattered.

In the case of the tragedy of my brother’s death, I can confidently say that my faith has been strengthened. I have always considered myself to have a strong faith, so when this happened, it was natural for me to turn to God. Though, I admit, I’ve gotten a little more “real” in the way I talk to him. But I still praise him, sing at mass, and thank Him. He has blessed me in so many ways after all, including blessing me with an amazing brother, however unfairly short I feel the time I had with him was.

My faith was also strengthened by the people around me. First and foremost, Tommy has been my rock and is there for me whenever I get sad or angry, and we both have embraced this new level of faith together. We had SO many friends and family reaching out to us and just being there for us around the funeral week. My sister Kellie mentioned at one point, it’s really hard to completely fall down and lose it when you have so many people holding you up. A good friend of the family posted a picture of Steve on Facebook with the quote, “Trust in God with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.” That really struck me and put a lot of things into perspective for me. Faith is all about trust after all.

I know a lot of people beyond my family have been very affected by my brother’s sudden death, and that some of their faiths have been challenged. What may have been a somewhat easy task to have faith, you may now struggle with it because you just cannot comprehend why something like this would happen. It just doesn’t make sense. And don’t think I’m trying to show off saying my faith is stronger, it has been a struggle for me too. I have thought and asked all the same questions, and had all the same anger.

I wanted to talk about this today because it is the feast of Saint Thomas the Apostle. He is more commonly known as doubting Thomas, for his infamous encounter with Jesus after he rose from the dead, as told here in the Gospel of John:

But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”

²⁶ A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” ²⁷ Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”

²⁸ Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!”

²⁹ Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

This is what makes faith such a beautiful thing. Will we ever understand why this happened to our Stephen in this lifetime? No. And I believe we are just not meant to. Will we see Jesus in this lifetime before reaching heaven? Probably not. But that is the mystery of faith. We are not meant to understand it all. We lean on and trust in God, and live for Jesus while we are here. We do what we can while we are here with what we have so that we may one day enter the kingdom of heaven. Faith wouldn’t be so difficult and challenging if the reward wasn’t so amazing.